My Brother and Quinn

I have a new reader who goes by the name "quinn." She hails from Canada. The motive behind her starting a blog is a painful one, full of hurt regarding her estranged sister. She got me thinking about my older brother. His name is Curt and like most "little" sisters, I have had big brother worship most of my life.

This picture was taken in late August of '05. It was the first time I'd seen Curt in probably 5 years or more. And I didn't hear much (if anything) from him between visits, and I haven't heard anything from him since.

Curt is the non-resident member of our family. Sure, I miss him. He is a neat guy who is sensitive, intelligent, and funny. The thing is, his not being part of our lives is HIS choice. There is nothing I have done to drive him away, and nothing I can do to bring him back. Further, I have had to deal with anger and bitterness in the area of him and the way the rest of my family treats him. See, they spend so much time, effort, and money in an attempt to pursue Curt and persuade him to want to be an active member of the family, while I am often treated as a red headed stepchild.

WHY? My parents, for example, have bailed him out of countless bad situations. They've paid for two divorces and only God knows what else, while they have offered me absolutely nothing. Nothing. I feel a lot of hurt toward my parents, but not toward Curt. I love my brother. I miss him, but I have come to the realization that he chooses to be non-existent in our lives, and in the long run, he is the one who is missing out. My life goes on. It's a shame, really. But it is what it is.

Anyway, welcome, Quinn. I hope my blog can serve to encourage you in some way at some time.

Disconnected Thoughts

There is quite a lot of stuff running round in my head right now, but the most important thing is that God is amazing. Some really neat stuff happened at church today and I promise I will blog about it. The service was seriously cool from praise and worship through the teaching of the word. Yeah. God is amazingly awesome, and I am clueless as to what all of it means in the long run. Never a dull moment!

Next week is shaping up insanely busy. I am going to have to be wise in my eating & sleeping habits and couple that with faith & prayer in order to have enough energy to do what needs to be done. Monday, along with working and speaking at the staff meeting after school, I must drop some tests off at the doctor's office, go to the post office and another store, hit the bank & the pharmacy, AND meet up with Clay at Panera by 4:30. In order to accomplish all of that, I believe I shall use my lunch (half) hour to stop by the doctor's office and pharmacy. Hopefully, the spirit of long-windedness will not strike when I speak at the staff meeting so I can go to the post office & bank prior to meeting Clay. If I don't get to the other store before 4:30, it can be put off for another day. The pharmacy is sort of on my way home from Panera so I can stop by & pick up my prescription after meeting Clay.

Tuesday I have yet another doctor's appointment with a test involved. Perhaps this is when I will go to the other store. Especially since I just remembered it isn't another store. It is other stores. Wednesday is the day of my next counseling appointment and I have choir practice. Which brings me to Thursday. That is the day Andy leaves for Greensboro to work for 2 days. I had hoped to take a couple of days off from work & join him there but now I'm not so certain. And I have tentative plans with a friend on Thursday evening, anyway. Before I know it, it will be Friday again.


Can you say, "Whew!"

I knew you could!

Saturdays and Other Stuff

Saturday used to be my least favorite day of the week. That's right - it was despised even more than Monday! Why? For years I felt compelled to clean the entire house from top to bottom every Saturday, along with doing all of the laundry and the grocery shopping. No wonder the thought of Saturday would toss me into a tizzy-filled depression! I bet you would seriously dislike Saturdays if you felt all of that had to be done.

Time has a way of changing things. My life is much simpler and therefore more peaceful now. (See symbol for "peaceful" to the left) I did not realize the Saturday expectations were self-imposed. I spent far too many years thinking all of that was expected of me. Now, I do only what needs to be done. Sometimes it is on a Saturday. Other times it is not. The point is I have started enjoying my weekends. Saturdays have "fun potential!" I know this will shock you to pieces, but there are times when things need to be done around the house and I don't jump up and do them when I notice them! I know, right? *GASP!!*

Life is far too complicated to add self-imposed difficulties. Yes, some things are out of our control. However, I have a new mindset: Control what you can. Everyone needs time to rest, relax, and recuperate after a long hard week. In fact, we need some R&R every day. I want to encourage you to make sure you take time for yourself. Find a little time every day to do something just for you. The world will not stop. In fact, you will be more effective, more productive, if you put daily R&R into practice. Life is far too short to spend it all uptight about stuff. As my dad likes to say, "Enjoy your day."

And Another!!

My stomach muscles are going to be nice and tight by the end of the day if this continues. My goodness! Just how funny can it get??? I believe I took out everything that was "clickable," but if you run across something, I do not recommend a click on your part!

Question from dealtree-techstore 12828
Item: 6871124144
This message was sent while the listing was active.

I sent you the money , where's the package ? You promised that after i send the money you send the goods asap .Is this a fraud? Please let me know! Should I contact the autorities ?
Respond to this question in My Messages.

Item Details
Item number: 6871124144
End date:
03-Jan-06 18:56:12 BST
Item Details
View item description: (Apparently it is/was a gateway laptop - of course I have never listed one for sale on ebay!)

Thank you for using eBay
http://www.ebay.com

Too Funny!

I just had to share this recent email with you. It was my first laugh(s) of the day!! (Read carefully)

Dear PayPal Member,

PayPal Account notice

We Recently noticed one or more attempts to log in to your PayPal account from foreign IP adress and we have reasons to believe that your account was hijacked by a third party without your authorization.

If you recently noticed one or more attempts your account while traveling, the unusual log in attempts may have been initiated by you. However, if your are rightful holder of the account, click on the link below to log into your account and fallow the intrusctions.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=login-run

If you choose to ignore our request, you leave us no choise but temporaly suspend account.

We ask that you fallow at least 72 hours for the case to be investigated and we strongly recomanded to verify your account in that time.

If you recived this notice and you are not the authorized account holder, please be aware that it is in violation of PayPal policy to represent oneself as another PayPal user.Such action may also be in violation of local, national, and/or international law. Paypal is misappropriate at the request of law enforment agencies to ensure that perpetrators are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Thanks for your patiance as we work togheter to protect your account.

Sincerly,

PayPal Account Review Department

*Do not replay this e-mail your reply will not be recived

Am I Boring?

My readership has really plummeted lately. I suppose I am redundant and can be a little boring from time to time. And then there is the matter of unfinished books (i.e. Lucado's Cure for the Common Life) that I planned to outline here. To be honest, I think I would be much more interested in reading Clay's current book.

Ah, well. From the very beginning I set out to keep a journal for my sake. I thought if in some way I could help or encourage other people - if by no other way than by giving them someone with whom to identify - then blogging would not be done in vain. Posting new things is enjoyable to me. I will continue to do so until it is no longer fun.

My week ended much as it began. Work was as stress-free as I can ever remember it being. In fact, it was almost enjoyable. This week was Administrative Professional's week and there was a little bit of recognition - which is nice.

Others noticed for the first time that I am moving much more slowly than usual and often have to stop to grab something in order to keep my balance. Concerns were expressed, which was nice. Feeling this way is becoming the norm for me - I guess I am acclimating and/or desensitizing to the symptoms.

My weekend promises to be full. That is nice. Several people have expressed an interest in spending time with me. It feels very good to be wanted & needed.

So good...

. . . it had to be shared!

A staff member was off campus today and before coming back to school she called me. "Hey Connie, I'm on my way back and have to drive right past Starbucks. It's such a grey day I was wondering if you want a coffee."

Do I want a coffee???

One tall vanilla latte later I am warm, fuzzy, content, and posting this entry. Sometimes, it really is the little things.

God is Nifty Like That

If you are a regular reader, you know that I received some assurance from God on Sunday regarding my life. Since that time I have experienced peace. Don't misunderstand. Physically, I have struggled. Monday was the best day so far this week and yesterday was definitely the worst. Today was smack dab in the middle. People at work have noticed, but say little. That's good.


You may be wondering why I say God is nifty if I'm not feeling any better. The answer is quite simple. Even though Andy has been away; leaving me to perform his daily household responsibilities along with mine, I have felt less stress this week than I have in a long time.

Work has been surprisingly easy. I have had plenty to do, believe me. It is just that there isn't any real stress. My boss has been swamped with work so she has pretty much had to leave me to my own devices. Amazing how much I can get accomplished when I'm not being micro-managed.

Not only that, but because my boss has had way too much to do all by herself, she has asked for my input -and- taken my suggestions. Not that I think my suggestions always the best ones, but to my way of thinking that sort of cooperation is a proper working relationship. She has been too far behind to be paranoid. It has been refreshing.

The Lord has been speaking to me about her. She is not what I would call an effective manager by any stretch of the imagination BUT she works hard, has everyone's best interests at heart, and is generally a good person. I need to keep that in mind.

Like I said: God is nifty like that. And I am thankful.

I Have Been Keeping a Secret

Funny...being owned by two cats, a person would think I would have a picture of one of them in a bag. I do have Luke-in-a-Box, as you can see. Anyway, it is time to let the cat out of the bag, as it were.

Andy has been away all week. He left early Monday morning for Ohio and Indiana. That's right. Both. He is working in Ohio, but staying in Indiana because a town in Indiana was the closest place that had a hotel. Don't that just beat all? Everyday for the past week he has been crossing the state line - twice - and on a toll road, to boot! He has had to drive 15-20 miles one way in order to find a restaurant. BUT! He has had cellular service and his hotel is hot-wired so at least he has had Internet access.

The cats and I have been fine. I have been letting them have the run of the house at night - something that just doesn't happen ordinarily - and for the most part Aslan hasn't kept me up. He is sleeping with me but does tend to prowl around every couple of hours. I guess I've been too worn out to notice.

And tomorrow Andy comes home. :o)

Wheee!

I got a phone call today. More medical testing is on my horizon. I was told to expect it but hearing the news while experiencing a physically difficult day was sort of deflating. It's all good, though. I know whatever happens I am going to be fine. A diagnosis is the goal. Testing is the way to reach the goal. Let the fun begin.

It is the Small Things

Amazingly, I had dinner ready on time for once! I mean, I told people 7:30 and it actually was ready at that time. If you know me at all, you know this is a rare occurance. So for once..Yaaay, me!



She came for dinner. It was nice to see her at the table. She stayed for 2 hours and we talked about a lot of things. She seems to be doing well. No help from me on that one. I take no credit. Just very happy for her that she appears content. I pray things are as they seem, because I love her and want nothing more than her happiness.

Wonderful

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that
You're my God.
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me.

It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter. The medical troubles & worries, the family stresses, the at-work issues...none of them matter. I am in His hands. I trust Him. People? No. I can't really trust them. But I can trust God. And I do.

You are righteous; You love justice
And those who honor You will see Your face.
I will arise and lift my eyes
to see Your majesty, Your holiness
And all I am will bless You.

My hope is in the Name of the Lord
Where my help comes from
You're my strength, my song.
My trust is in the Name of the Lord
I will sing Your praise
You are faithful.

Fun Friday

I went to school today! I learned a lot about anemia and foods I should be eating. This is a good thing seeing as I got a second call from the doctor. She confirmed that I am anemic and now they want to find out why. That's okay with me. Here's an interesting tidbit: Cooked clams have 10 times the amount of iron as the same sized portion of sirloin steak! It just so happens that I can tolerate clams - fried - which is bad, I know. Still, Andy and I went to The Mayflower tonight. We had a really great waitress. Lunch today consisted of field greens - there ya go for the green leafys. (leafies?)

I had another medical appointment this afternoon. I had never been to this particular place before so I went with both insurance cards in hand. I laid my wallet on the receptionist's desk for the sake of convenience and she exclaimed, "Oh what a cute wallet!" I thanked her and casually mentioned, "It matches the bag."

When she got a look at the bag she gushed, "Oh, your kids are so lucky! You do have kids, right?" You know my answer to that. "Why do you say my kids are lucky?" I added. "Well," she continued, "They have the 'hip' Mom! You are the hip Mom, right?" I thought back over the past few months and answered as truthfully as I could: "There was a time when I was the cool Mom on the block." She went on to say she hoped she was the hip Mom when her daughter got old enough to want one. I walked out of that place feeling pretty good about myself.

Since I really didn't do anything strenuous all day I had enough energy to go for a ride on The Burley with Andy. It was windy but it felt good to be out in the sun with my honey. He really is very good to me. Awww...

It was a good day.

Now Here's Something...

After spending over two hours in Yahoo! MahJong Solitaire this morning, I achieved a new high score. This being my biggest accomplishment during Spring Break was not my intention, but it is something.

Oh - and I got a phone call from my doctor's office. One set of testing came back fine. Hooray for that, too.

Looking for Some Cheese . . .

. . . that will compliment my whine.

Yes, this is going to be a whiny post. At least you've been forewarned so you can play the avoidance game if you so choose...

Some of the medical tests I've been asked to perform will have to go on hold for awhile. It is necessary to build up my blood, first. I have been given official permission to be "bad" and ingest all of the red meat I desire. I must include green leafy veggies - one of which is broccoli. (No argument from me there!) A daily multivitamin with iron has also been ordered. I detest taking vitamins. However, I shall comply.

To be quite honest, I am becoming frustrated. Today I had to sit on the kitchen floor in the middle of preparing chicken salad. After chopping the cooked & cooled chicken, it was just too much for me to also chop a small onion, mix in spices, and add a touch of mayonnaise. Of course, when the cats saw me sit on the floor they thought they were in for a poultry treat. Which they got. Clean up had to be accomplished after a rest. All of this while trying to hold off dizzy spells.

Yes, I suppose the extra bloodwork will confirm that I am anemic. Okay, fine. But why? And just where/how am I losing blood? I've never had this type of problem before. Ever. So, not only is it frustrating for a quick-moving and fairly active person such as myself, but it is also a wee bit worrisome.

Here ends the whining. And I never did get that cheese.

I Remember When...

. . .I used to spend my Christmas and Spring Breaks watching all of the Star Wars movies. More recently, it has been Lord of the Rings. Sometimes I would watch all of the movies in a single day. However, I am much more mature now. Do you not agree that it is about time for me to grow up a little? After all, I am a degreed professional with a mortgage, a car payment, a 20+ year marriage, and two grown children.

Today, I must tackle the ironing. The summer wardrobe has been pulled out and is decidedly wrinkled. There have also been a few purchases this week that are in need of pressing. Ironing has often been an activity that I couple with watching movies. The problem today is, so many good movies, so little to iron! I am certain I will spend a lot of time perusing my collection and making a decision. (And no Beth, I do not think it will be Jonah!)


And of course there is the laundry. Folding clothes also affords movie watching. This could turn out to be a wonderful day! Please say a prayer that I will not have to take the meclizine today. I really want to get outside & walk and/or ride the tandem with Andy. Dizziness and/or being doped up on an anti-dizziness drug are not conducive to safe bicycle handling practices.

Carpe Diem!

This Takes the Cake

I have had a lot of strange hits on my blogsite. I can usually figure out who most of them are, but this one is not only the most unusual, it is also the most intriguing.

Network Of The Slovak Tax Administration
Slovakia, 6 returning visits
Date 19th April 2006
Time 03:07:33PM
WebPage ladyconstance.blogspot.com/No referring link

Hm...SIX returning visits? i don't ever remember seeing a first! No referring link? I do have my suspicions as to who this could be, but...

Wednesday...Already?

And so the middle of my vacation sneaks up on me, making me pause and consider what I have accomplished thus far. In a day-to-day analysis, I suppose I'm doing fairly well. I seem to be accomplishing most of the items on my list everyday. Yesterday I dusted and got 2/3 of the weeding done, but still did not get around to listing my items on ebay. Friday and Saturday hold the possibility of rain, so perhaps those would be better days for ebay listings.

The doctor yesterday... Don't ask, because I don't want to tell. Suffice it to say I've already racked up a healthy sum of which I will have to pay at least 40%. And we are not finished yet. I have yet another appointment on Friday afternoon. And more testing to be done and analyzed. This is so not fun. It has me worried about how I'm going to pay for all of this. Maybe a second part-time job...

There hasn't been enough bike riding or walking. Other things keep popping up, eating into my/our time. And today I am afraid I am going to disappoint some people. I was planning to go to work but I just feel..gloomy...and don't really want to go. Others were going to show up for a little while to get things done if I went. Letting people down is something I dislike doing. Yet, I'm going to do it today.

Choir practice tonight. I hope my stormy attitude improves before then.......

Monday Summary & Tuesday

Looking back over my list from yesterday, I think I did pretty well. I did not weed the front flower bed and I did not list items on ebay. Other than that, the rest was completed. I am uncertain how productive I will be today.

First of all, I have a doctor's appointment. We all know how much time they tend to take up...spent waiting, mostly. Apparently some of the blood work from my last visit came back funky. They're talking anemia, which is no big deal. But they want to draw more blood today and run more tests. Yeah. Taking three more vials from me is really going to help the anemia, isn't it!? I had a horrible dizzy spell last night, sitting right here on the couch. Seeing as my faith in doctors has taken a severe hit over the years (Chet is not included - he has never treated me or my family for anything), I am first nervous and second, slightly scared. This dizziness is getting on my nerves!!

Depending on when I get back from my appointment, I may tackle the flower bed. It is really more grass than weeds. The rain yesterday has softened the soil, which will make the job easier - but it still may take 2 days to complete. The flower bed is north facing which is good, considering I got a little too much sunshine on my shoulders yesterday while mowing. No, I didn't remember to put on sunscreen. It isn't that I do not like gardening. In fact, it is something I really enjoy. It is the investment of time that weeding requires. Ah..but I am on vacation this week and have nothing but time!

I wonder how wiped out I will be after the doctor's appointment. Perhaps today would be the day to list my ebay sale items. I do not have that much to sell, but once again it is an investment of time. I will not have four for dinner tonight, so maybe working on the listings would be a good idea.

Finally, there is the dust. Far too much of it, really - especially in the back part of the house that most people do not see. Therefore, the dust cloth rarely makes it back there. However, it is starting to bother me so I guess the time has come. Dusting will be the last thing on my list, to be sure. Besides, Andy might want to take the Burley out this afternoon!


Employing the oft-quoted words of my illustrious leader, "Make it a great day...or not...the choice is yours!"

International Cuisine?

It seems I have taken a "whole world" approach to my day. This morning my dietary journey began with 3 steaming cups of coffee in a mug identical to this one. (Chet - I will not apologize for my coffee vice!) Andy and I drink our own blend which consists of 1/2 Verona and 1/2 Starbuck's House Blend. It makes for a very nice, slightly bold flavor. I will most likely indulge in at least three more of these at some point today.


Then I was off to Panera to meet my friend. While there I thoroughly enjoyed an asiago cheese bagel which was toasted to perfection with plain cream cheese. With the bagel I indulged in a warm (styrofoam) cup of chai tea latte. Hm. Chai is turkish. If we latte it, does that make it French-Turkan? Bagels are French. Asiago cheese is either Italian or French. But what about cream cheese? It wasn't Philadelphia brand so... ??

Between breakfast and lunch I drank at least three glasses of water with lemon. Then...

Okay. I know it looks strange. You see, I had a leftover eggroll from my Chinese take-out lunch on Friday. I popped it in the microwave and then tossed it in just a mere drop of canola oil in a small frying pan. Then I remembered there was one..just one tortilla left from last night's fajitas. So, I took that, add some taco sauce and cheddar, folded, nuked, then allowed it to hit the frying pan for just an instant on each side. Voila! Cheese quesadilla! The beverage I had was decidedly American, no doubt there.

I have just eaten half dozen macadamia nuts. Hawaiian! Decidedly Polynesian before the good ole USA decided Hawaii should be a state...regardless of what Hawaii thought. Dinner will consist of grilled marinated chicken & stir fried veggies. Imagine...around the world in 18 hours!

Sunday Recap & The Week Ahead

Yesterday turned out pretty nice! Sundays are always draining for me because of all of the energy expended at church - singing for both services, etc. Still, here is a recap of yesterday's events:

*It was wonderful to see & speak with her, however briefly.
*I had to take meclizine for the first time in several days. Okay, so that part was icky.
*The church's Creative Arts Department's presentation for Easter was a huge success.
*Rode the Burley with Andy for a little over 8 miles.
*Played with the pansies a little. (They're still alive!)
*Sat on the deck in the cool of the evening & read, worked some Sudoku puzzles, mused.
*Had good conversation with Andy
*Made beef fajitas for dinner - they weren't too shabby!

Not bad, eh? Today I have a list, too.

*Finish laundry.
*Have brunch/lunch with a friend..still waiting for her to call!
*Go to Wal*Mart. (ew!)
*Mow the lawn.
*Grill chicken & make stir fry veggies for dinner.
*Weed the front flower bed in preparation for the impatien's return.
*Vacuum
*List some items on eBay.

The last three items (especially the vacuuming *wink wink* can be carried over to tomorrow if need be.) My wish list for the week?

*Eventually get the entire house cleaned up.
*Bike rides with Andy.
*Walking
*Actually...go to work (Wednesday? -wince-)
*Doctor's appointment Tuesday (ick!)
*Read

Well, my friend just called. We're meeting at Panera in 30 minutes, so I guess I'd better get moving!! *sigh* I suppose that trip to Wal*Mart is going to happen today. It's okay. I have to go to the post office for Andy, too. Have a spiffy day!!

Joyous Resurrection Day!

What a difference a few days can make in the course of a person's life. In the case of Christ, the last few days of His life has the ability to change the course of the entire world! Most of the people with whom I have contact have chosen to believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Given the opportunity, all of them would speak of the intriguing and blessed journey that belief has brought them.

From being bruised, battered, and bleeding ... dead and carried to a borrowed tomb to:

Then the angel spoke to the women. "Don't be afraid!" he said. "I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He isn't here! He has been raised from the dead, just as he said would happen." (Matthew 28:5-6a NLT)

That empty tomb reconciled us to the Creator of the universe; a holy, omnipotent, loving God who wants fellowship with His creation. Sitting here thinking about it causes a flood of thankfulness & joy in my heart. It is in Him that I have found a sense of completion. There really is a God-shaped hole in each person that only He can fill.


Sure, I have walked through some very dark times in my life, just like all of you. No matter how helpless or even hopeless I have felt, I have always known I wasn't alone. I am grateful that knowledge outweighs emotion.

Scripture shows there were many times Christ walked with people and they did not know He was with them. The same is true for us. We truly are never alone. He is with us always, just as He said. Because of this, I must join my British friend in her favorite saying: Thank God for Jesus.

Easter Fun

An Excerpt

This is paragraph one, chapter two of my current read. Tell me what you think:

From his car on the nearly deserted expressway, Marcus Graver watched the late June rain pass over the western margins of the city as the fading evening stained to a deeper green the dense canpoy of water oaks and loblolly pines and magnolias that stretched to the horizon. A thin gleam of glaucous light, all that remained of the day, appeared briefly between the drifting, bruised clouds and the darkening trees, as if an unconscious eye had opened slightly, one last time.

Exhale

Well, I made it! My Spring Break officially started this afternoon and it didn't come a moment too soon, let me tell ya! Most of the people to whom I have talked say they want to do as little as possible during their vacation. I am among those, but I wonder just how little I will end up doing. I already have a lunch date on Monday. My follow-up doctor's appointment is Tuesday. I think I'll be going to work on Wednesday. GASP! It is just that I can get so much more accomplished when nobody is there. That leaves me Thursday & Friday. I wanted a designated "jammie day" - I guess it will have to be toward the end of the week.

I want to work in the yard. I want to log some walking miles. I want to spend some time on the tandem with Andy. And I need to go shopping! I don't have any short sleeved blouses appropriate for work. I only have t-shirts. I also don't have any money for shopping, but I'll find it somewhere.

Remember These Guys??

There are a lot of men and women who are a long way from home. Most of them would rather be back on American soil, but they are doing what they have been told to do in what they have been taught to believe is service to their country. At this point, an "and to the rest of the world" should be added. Whether you support the current administration's decisions or not, these people are caught in the middle. Let us remember to pray for them daily. Right or wrong, their lives are on the line every single day and they deserve the best we can give them.