My Brother and Quinn
I have a new reader who goes by the name "quinn." She hails from Canada. The motive behind her starting a blog is a painful one, full of hurt regarding her estranged sister. She got me thinking about my older brother. His name is Curt and like most "little" sisters, I have had big brother worship most of my life.This picture was taken in late August of '05. It was the first time I'd seen Curt in probably 5 years or more. And I didn't hear much (if anything) from him between visits, and I haven't heard anything from him since.
Curt is the non-resident member of our family. Sure, I miss him. He is a neat guy who is sensitive, intelligent, and funny. The thing is, his not being part of our lives is HIS choice. There is nothing I have done to drive him away, and nothing I can do to bring him back. Further, I have had to deal with anger and bitterness in the area of him and the way the rest of my family treats him. See, they spend so much time, effort, and money in an attempt to pursue Curt and persuade him to want to be an active member of the family, while I am often treated as a red headed stepchild.
WHY? My parents, for example, have bailed him out of countless bad situations. They've paid for two divorces and only God knows what else, while they have offered me absolutely nothing. Nothing. I feel a lot of hurt toward my parents, but not toward Curt. I love my brother. I miss him, but I have come to the realization that he chooses to be non-existent in our lives, and in the long run, he is the one who is missing out. My life goes on. It's a shame, really. But it is what it is.
Anyway, welcome, Quinn. I hope my blog can serve to encourage you in some way at some time.
posted by Lady Constance at 10:05:00 PM
6 Comments:
:( my older brother is the same way...
that is I never see him...I see him every now and then because he lives in town, but there's no communication.
yeah...
It's funny, I was the first to move away from home. My older brother had a short stint away at college before returning home to go to the community college. I was the one who couldn't wait to move away. I was the first to move away from home, first to be married, first to graduate from college, first to survive living on my own. My older brother finished his degree and moved away. Far away. He got married, got another degree, had a daughter about the time I had my second, and kept moving (it was part of his career). They live in Texas now and have traveled all over the world. He has been in submarines and in fighter jets, not as a soldier but as an engineer. I understand he helped to develop and test the first cruise missle, and was there when it was tested off the Virginia coast. His other work is classified, top secret stuff. Anyway I saw him and his wife over 20 years ago after my divorce when they were in Denver. I saw him a few years ago when he and his family visited Greenville for a day. He sends my mother pictures of his family from time to time but only a handful of phonecalls and the occasional email. I don't know what drove him away but he seems happy and I don't expect he will return home as he and his family recently bought a ranch in Texas. Me, the one in so much of a hurry to leave home now live about 2 miles from my parents, visit regularly and am the "good son" taking my father to his doctor's visits, doing repairs in their home and sending emails when I'm not talking to them on the phone. Who knows what events cause people to separate themselves from their past. I understand that after my divorce, my ex completely cut off all communication from her mother and moved to the midwest somewhere. To the best of my knowledge she never contacted her mother again. I often wonder if she blamed her mother for our breakup although I feel she was not at fault. As I am now preparing a review of my life (yes I am finally in the annulment process) I have had time to ponder these things. Oh and I too have visited Quinn's blog. Enough said. If you can't tell, I miss blogging and look forward to my return in 7 days.
-Chet
I understand what you're saying. I stayed close to home and when they call, I'm there. Otherwise I feel as though I am intruding. Anyway, if my brother were happy with his life I suppose I would have a different view. However, he struggles with depression, teenagers in big trouble, failed relationships, & financial woes. Seems to me he would want his family around for love & support. But then, while we share some of the same dna, we are two different people.
Thanks as always for your thoughts, Chet. I value them.
Guess we all know ppl who move on and never look back, (write, call, or contact) leaving some loved ones hurt in thier absence.
Their reasons, while probably many, are their own. Yeah, we've got one too, and I miss hearing from him.
I can relate, Lady C...same dna...two REALLY different ppl.
hello,
I so understand your feelings about your brother and you are exactly right he is the one missing out. However, it doesn't change the fact where you are still left to feel somehow that you are the blacksheep of the family.
I saw it from both sides of my "families" with my birthsister that I spoke of as you mentioned, in my blog. But also of my "adopted" brother that I grew up with , pardon my expression here but he can basically fall in "s.h.i.t." and come out smelling like a rose in their eyes.
And yes your life goes on as does mine. It doesn't seem fair to feel the hurt and neglect that we do, when they seem to feel nothing. Many times I wish I could be as uncaring as they seem to be, but then again that would make me like them and I am happy to be me.
All the best will be back soon to read.
As you know I constantly wonder how some people can turn it off, disappear and never look back. One thing I have always known in Aaron's leaving is it was not just me and the kids. He has had little contact with his brother, the Aunt who raised him, much of any of his family and will say out loud, "My family never really cared about me before, why should I care about them?" And he quit on the only that would have stayed with him unconditionally - his wife and kids. So who knows why these people are "broken" if they are or why they feel a need to disappear.
Post a Comment
<< Home