*sigh*

So much fabulous music...
so little time.

What I Could Say...

...will remain unsaid. I do not see the point behind accusatory reminders or punctuating my thoughts with little jabs. Cryptic verbal gymnastics does not hold the thrill it once did. With the exception of this post, I guess.

Everyone makes their own way in the world. They do what they think is best for them. I have no qualms or say-so. I also have no regrets. Things are the way they are because of choices people have made. There is still one physical tie that binds, preventing the making of their own way from being entirely true. I am thinking it may be time to cut that one tie. No matter what happens, the emotional tie will forever remain. That's the way it works with Moms.

Alarming, isn't it?

Birds are one of my hobbies. I have feeders in the back yard so they can be watched from any room on the south end of the house. Their song is a sweet music to my ears and calming to my mind. This morning I was gently awakened by the warbling of some species I could not identify because it was too far away. I lay there listening for awhile, thinking it was a nice way to wake up and face the day. After a time I rolled over and looked at my clock. The face softly glowed, revealing the time - 4:44. Yeah. Being awakened by a birdsong alarm clock is nice...but not that nice!

Enjoy your day. :o)

yaay!

For the first time since going back, I had fun at choir practice tonight! After practice we spend time in prayer. The girl who usually leads prayer asked me to pray instead! I made jokes and said "no" two dozen times. Then I told her I'd do it. Afterwards, someone remarked that they can see my joy returning. (Yes, it was obvious) Then someone I really respect looked at me and said, "And you have a gift for prayer, too." Well shut my mouth! Honestly, I was flabbergasted. Wow, God. Wow.

He's turned my mourning into dancing again.
He's lifted my sorrow.
I can't stay silent.
I must sing for His joy has come!

The Word(s) for Today

As I come around the corner of my workplace each morning I am greeted by the sight of the car that is driven by a friend of mine. It is at that moment I am reminded to pray for the owner of the car. Today, my prayer was short and to the point: Lord, give her the answers she is seeking.

Getting an instant reply does not happen frequently, but today...today there were words for my friend. They are good words and are applicable to anyone who may be searching for an answer.

There is no red tape. There is no magic formula for finding God's will for your life. "I know the plans I have for you," He said to (us and) the exiles in Babylonia through Jeremiah. What is the plan? To prosper you. To give you hope and a future. That is the plan.

The Babylonians had to walk through their exile. While there, they were instructed to marry, build homes, and start businesses. When the time came for their exile to end, God would step in as long as they remained true to Him.

So let us try it this way: We choose what we want to do ~ pursue the desire of our hearts, perhaps ~ do it to the glory of His name, walking in faith that He is with us and will bless our efforts, and He will cause us to prosper in what we decide to do.

Since starting this entry I have been reminded of some overused cliche's. "Can't see the forest for the trees," for example. We get so caught up in the process of HOW to find the answer that we do not realize the answer is right in front of us.

Remember Her?

She is making a comeback. There are still ups and downs but they are not as severe. Sticking by her decisions has helped. She learned that the hard way. She knows she cannot fix everything. She knows it is not in her control. She sees events unfolding and knows how to make things better but it is not for her to decide. So, she watches and waits. Giving IN has been instrumental to the reinstatement of her joy.

For this, she is very thankful.

Disappointment

Guess what? Raleigh's Renaissance Faire is running April 1 & 2 and April 8 & 9. I was planning to go the second weekend. Alone or with others did not matter - Nothing was going to keep me from the Faire!

Until "LaMistake" showed up. Now I can't go. Ain't that a bummer?

Fancy That

A funny thing happened on my journey through the month of March. I became used to the silence. I am not saying I like the silence. It is that I am becoming accustomed to it. Acclimated, if you will. Is this a good thing? You can be the judge of that. I am going to let the passage of time decide.

Am I Cheap?

If you check this site more than once in a 24 hour period you already know today is my anniversary. Andy has been asking me all week long where I want to eat tonight. The thing is, I really think I want to go to Panera Bread. I am in the mood for soup and the majority of the 'nicer' restaurants have a pitiful "variety" of them. Usually they are limited to broccoli & cheese, french onion, and chili. Thanks, but no thanks.

Andy has already laughed, calling me a cheap date. Well, maybe I am! What he failed to remember until I lovingly reminded him is Panera Bread is attached to Starbucks. Not to mention (which I did) Coldstone Creamery, which is basically in Panera's back yard. We'll see just how 'cheap' tonight turns out!

In God's Hands

This morning during praise & worship an interesting thing took place. I do not want to gross anyone out because what I saw wasn't in the least sick looking to me - maybe because I saw it as a pencil drawing with no real detail. Rather, I saw clear outlines that left me with no doubts about what I was seeing.

Given my genetic structure and the events of the past 5 years, it is no small wonder that I have not been put on medication or hospitalized. They have been the hardest 5 years of my life. Through it all - including the times when I was dangerously fragile - somehow I have managed to come out on the other side with my faith and health (mental & physical) intact. Today, I received a reminder of just how this 'holding together' has been possible.

I saw my mind - my brain, if you will - in God's hands. I was particularly thankful for this image as I have spent the past month questioning His protection of me and my family; really, what I perceived as a lack of protection. After processing what I saw and spending what must have been just a few seconds talking to Him about it, the image changed and I saw this:

Okay, not that exact picture but I am sure you understand my meaning. Even with all of the turmoil over the past several years not only has my mind been under His protection, but so has my heart.

If I had to venture a guess, I would suppose that it is the same for you.

Ain't God grand?

Happy Anniversary!

We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear

You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one

I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow

You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
We're still having fun, and you're still the one


You're still the one that makes me strong
Still the one I want to take along
We're still having fun, and you're still the one



Changing, our love is going gold
Even though we grow old, it grows new



You're still the one that I love to touch
Still the one and I can't get enough
We're still having fun, and you're still the one



You're still the one who can scratch my itch
Still the one and I wouldn't switch
We're still having fun, and you're still the one


You're still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

years and counting.
Thanks so much for all you've done for us.
I love you, Baby.

Roller Coasters

There was a time when I was very fond of roller coasters.

I do not like them anymore.

Rest Assured

No doubt about it - we pay for our mistakes. Even the ones we make unintentionally. Even the ones that we do not realize are mistakes at the time. Believe me, just when you think you're in the clear, a past mistake will rear its ugly head. Then, the mistake will take your tenuous grip on life and tear it to ribbons.

...

I am so tired

Quote for the Day

No man is an island.

Considering its meaning, we should keep this quote in the forefront of our minds.

What Do You Do?

What do you do when your boss shows a total lack of regard for you and your coworkers? When she pounds on tables & yells at her employees, otherwise known as the support group that makes her look at least half-way decent? What do you do when your boss expects you to write the date one thousand two hundred and ninety six times, assemble packets of information for every classroom and parent, type & make copies of a letter, and get it all out in a day - along with your regular duties and answering the dadblasted telephone??

You pray. You pray that you get the job for which you interviewed. You pray that God will extend His grace yet again so that you will be able to walk through the situation without committing sin. (I pray a lot about that!!) You pray for your coworkers and friends that the same will take place with them. At least, that is what I do.

And what do you do when you've done all you can do? When you know you can never give UP but have to resign yourself to giving IN. And not necessarily giving in to the situation, but giving in to what you know is right and giving in to God, which includes learning the real meaning behind the Scripture "be anxious for nothing." What do you do when there is nothing left TO do?

You hope to God that while you keep your silence, His truth will eventually shine through. You hope to God that the right things will happen, that nothing else horrible will take place, and that somehow...somehow...you can live with the hole in your heart that is getting bigger by the day. At least, that's what I do.

All We Can Do Now...

..is hope for the best. My interview went well, I think. And so I ask you to cross your fingers, and/or say a prayer, whichever you do more often. Personally, prayer comes first. Then the finger crossing. However, I will not split hairs with you over the issue. Whichever you wish to do is fine by me and will be greatly appreciated!



If you truly wish to help me in my endeavor, perhaps you would like to go out and find a 4-leaf clover for me, or loan me your lucky rabbit's foot! Given the weather the past few days, I'd vote for the foot, but I won't be picky. Clovers wilt, but I would be sure to return your rabbit's foot.



When I was much much younger, we would make wishes on our Troll dolls. Do you still have one? If you don't want to make a wish, I would be happy to! And then there is the ole horseshoe. Note how it is turned up. That is so it can hold all the good fortune that is coming to the lucky owner of said shoe.


Seriously, I think the interview went very well. When all is said and done, I just want God's will to be done.

Let's All Take a Deep Breath

A big happening in my life takes place Tuesday at 10:00am. See, last week I noticed a job posting for Pitt County Schools that really caught my attention. I made a phone call, asked a few questions, and 2 days later my resume was nicely polished and sent to the proper person for perusal.

The county school system is hiring a payroll clerk to oversee the payroll for some of the schools. The position is only 80% employed right now but if I know my county, it still might end up being a raise for me. It will definitely end up being a 100% position at some point. Shoot, as far as money goes, I'd be happy with a lateral entry. And all of my benefits would still be in tact.

Anyway, my resume was sent Wednesday, but I wasn't really expecting to hear anything. Friday afternoon the unexpected happened: the head of finance for Pitt County Schools called me and set up an interview. That's right. Tuesday. 10:00am.

Now then, can we all take a deep breath?

Home

Had Fun.
Home Safely.
Very Tired.
Bed Now.

Goodbye to Technology

Well, goodbye to computers anyway. And only for the next 36 hours or so. It is a good thing to take a break from our normal distractions from time to time. Now is the time for me! I am heading to the beach early Saturday morning for a "girl's weekend." My scheduled time of return is Sunday afternoon. Yes, just one night. But hey..any beach time is right by me! Even though I probably won't have a signal, I am taking my cellular phone. Just for safety purposes, you understand.

A Max Minute

In chapter five, Max Lucado discusses greed. He is basically coming at the subject from the perspective of how we should choose a vocation that suits our unique design, but when I read the chapter, I found where Lucado's thoughts could be applied in other areas of my life. From the outset he quotes 1Peter 5:6 from The Message translation:

Be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is upon you; He'll promote you at the right time.

And now for some interesting quotes:

Success is not defined by position or pay scale but by this: doing the most what you do the best.

And where do you think the first parable in the Bible is located? Take a peek at Judges 9:5-18. That's right! Judges! It is basically, says Lucado, a warning against greed-driven promotion. Therefore, greed makes a poor job counselor. Because in a desire to be great, one might cease being good. For me, this was the most interesting part of the chapter:

Greed comes in many forms. Greed for approval. Greed for applause. Greed for status. Greed for the best office, the fastest car, the prettiest date. Greed has many faces, but speaks one language: the language of more. Epicurus noted, 'Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.'

Here is how Lucado finishes up this chapter and the first section of the book:

"A pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life."(Prov 13:7 - The Message)

Lucado's final words: Pursue the virtue of contentment. "Godliness with contentment is great gain." (1 Tim 6:6) When choosing or changing jobs, be careful. Consult your design. Consult your Designer. But never consult your greed.

Prayer of Saint Patrick

God's strength to protect me,
God's power to sustain me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's vision to light me,
God's legions to save me.

Just Two Words:

Gas Prices

Perspective

By this stage in my life I should not be surprised by the fact that major events cause a shift in a person's perspective. Recently, I have made the move to simplicity. For example, it used to be that if I could not be on my laptop, I did not want to be on a computer at all. The Dell desktop used to be plain too slow for my liking. Its poor little celeron processor just could not keep up! But do you know what? It is a lot easier to use. My laptop requires dragging it out, plugging it in if the battery is low, using it, and then packing it all back up in the case again when I'm finished. Or, leave it out for days at a time to collect dust and what have you. Since Friday the 3rd, I've been on my laptop maybe 3 or 4 times. That's it. The Dell doesn't need to be dragged anywhere. It is always available and after pushing 2 little buttons, I'm in. Simple.

And something else: I have no less than 22 blog sites bookmarked. I was in the habit of checking them daily, sometimes more than once a day. My life just didn't seem complete if I didn't. Today, since I was on the laptop (I'm on the Dell now) I went to some of those sites. Seven. A third of the usual number of stops. I believe I will be whittling down my blog bookmarks. I just don't need all of that clutter in my mind and heart. And now I don't want it, either.

Yes, the path to a peaceful mind requires the proper perspective. Because each of us is a unique creation, what works for me may not work for you. My perspectives have been turned upside down and all around over the past 9 months. What works for me thus far? Solitude. Quiet. And now, simplicity.

A Letter

Just kidding!

Actually, this is a letter of thanks. The past 10 days have been among the hardest of my life. Many of you have seen the pain I've been carrying but have not known the circumstances surrounding my melancholy. There are others who have gathered that there is something wrong when they read my "blog." Still others have seen, heard, and know.

I have received numerous emails, comments, gifts, well-wishes and sympathetic if not empathetic glances. While it is horrible to go through times like this and I would not wish it on my least favorite person, there was something good to be seen: the number of people who truly care about me. Even those who offered nothing more than a facial expression spoke volumes of love and concern to me. And I needed it. Badly. Some of you spoke words, others wrote them, and some remained silent. All of you showed wisdom, and your caring gave me strength to get up and go to work in the morning.

I would love to go to each of you and hug you, offering to help you with whatever burdens you bear. Right now, I probably could not do that and keep dry eyes. I hope this letter of thanks is enough.

You are all precious to me and I love you dearly.