Avoidance of Another Kind

Do you ever avoid people? Do you feel guilty when you do? After working in the public school system for 11 years, I have become a master at avoidance. It is not that I do not love my former students or the other children in the school. It is merely that I see them 5 days a week and really want my time away from work to be my time away from them, too.

There was one time I spent an entire trip to Lowe's avoiding a set of twins. They weren't "bad" kids. I just didn't want to put on the "teacher face." Sometimes, I even *gasp!* avoid the adults with whom I work, as well!

Why am I thinking about this now? Well, I think I have been on the receiving end of 'Avoidance' recently. There is a person with whom I was getting acquainted. I was enjoying the process and though we spent most of our time crying on each other's shoulders, it was comforting to be able to approach this person without wearing a mask. Maybe it is because I didn't know them very well that I felt I could do it.

In retrospect, I am afraid that I should not have been such a downer toward this person. I was going through a terrible time (this person wasn't much better off than I was) and even though I am not completely out of the melancholy in which I found myself, I do feel better. That has caused me to think more clearly and with a broader perspective.

It hurts to be on the receiving end of avoidance. I must remember that. I should stop doing it. I care a lot about the person I am talking about, and I miss them dreadfully.

To my missing friend: I hope you are doing better, now. I am sorry for not being more encouraging to you. I apologize for being too selfish and self-centered. I miss you, but if you feel that it is better to let go of the pursuit of a friendship, I understand. I am still always here for you ~ in thought and heart if not in person.

Thursday Nights

I really love Thursday nights. It is the one night during the week I can usually count on to have to myself. Selfish? Maybe. But it is more likely that these evenings I get to myself are necessary. I am a real advocate of people having time alone. Yes, we need time alone to be with God, but we also need quiet time to be alone with ourselves. I would dare to say your favorite person in the Bible took time for him/herself. Go back and research it for yourself.

The thing is, we give out and give out and give out, and often feel as though we don't get anything back. Honestly, only we ourselves know our personal needs at any given time. Therefore, we should rely upon ourselves and not on others for refreshing and/or recentering.

I use Thursday nights to pamper myself in various ways. More often than not, I spend the hours in my room with a "do not disturb" sign on the door. I am not going to share specifics about what I do with my time. Something in me wants to keep that...dare I say...sacred. The point is, I become more human, more loving, and more loveable when I get this alone time.

I plan my quiet evenings, but they don't always turn out the way I want them to. That is not altogether a bad thing. I'm thankful for them, no matter how they turn out. Our "perfect" plans almost never work out, anyway. I make the best of the time I am given. We should do that with every hour of every day. Don't you agree?

I am selfish about my Thursdays, though. Sometimes I arrange them if I think they aren't going to happen. I believe my family understands. Take earlier this evening, for example. I was grumpy. I know it is nearly impossible for any of you to believe, but it's true! I was a Gloomy Gus! Then, I got my quiet time. It was a good thing I did, too. A member of my family came home and needed me to be a patient, understanding, and supportive listener. I could not have been that person prior to my alone time. See how others besides me benefit from my having some solitude?

After talking with this member of my family I was reminded of something that I feel I can tack onto the end of this entry: Most of us need to go back and rewatch the movie "Bambi." Thumper the rabbit was more than comic relief in this movie. He also imparted a bit of sage wisdom that needs to be revisited often. The wisdom? One simple sentence: If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all.

And the Countdown Begins...

Well...I made a deal with someone. I am going to go to church. At least, I think I am. Actually, I'd better. If I don't go, the person with whom I made the deal will become upset and bash me all over town. I cannot have my rep spoiled like that! I much prefer spoiling my own rep without the benefit of outside interference.

April 3rd. That's the day. Maybe I should mention that I plan to arrive fashionably late. After the music portion of the program. "Program"...heh. Seems a strange word to use when talking about church, but in this case it is extremely appropriate.

Anyway, I thought I should let you know. I am making an effort. I cannot promise it will be a whole-hearted one, but it is an effort nonetheless.

I have to stop typing now. My hands hurt.

Avoidance

It's a good word. We do it all the time but rarely admit to it. I don't know about you, but sometimes I justify avoidance by saying that I deal with stuff one thing at a time or that I am in the process of prioritizing.

Take church, for example. I have not gone for almost three months. I am not prioritizing anything. I am dealing with something, though. I am trying to get over the fact that I can no longer play guitar. I hear Andy practicing the song list for each Sunday and most of the time the songs are ones that I really enjoy playing. It is very difficult for me to hear him play and know that the longest I can hold a guitar without pain is five minutes. Therefore, the mere thought of going to church and not playing reduces me to tears. If I cannot even write about this without crying, how am I supposed to actually do it and not cry?

I am avoiding church. Church Avoidance. I have a raging case of it. Of course, this also means that I am suffering from "Deal With It" Avoidance, as well. Worse, I am doing it to myself.

Different people have talked to me about this situation. They have given me logical arguments for the positive side of my predicament. Yes, I see not being able to play guitar as a predicament. Anyway, some people have told me that this could be a time of rest, refilling, and/or listening. That's a good one. It really is. Then there are the people who have the thought that maybe God wants me to do something new so guitar has to be put away. I could handle that if I had a desire to do anything else, but I really don't. And then...there is the off chance that maybe I am putting guitar before God. I might believe that argument if I had been spending every waking moment of my spare time playing, but that is not the case.

I am mad. No, that's not strong enough. Livid is a good word. The question is: WHY? The way I see it, God put this love of music inside me. It is He who gave me whatever little talent I may have. I don't see God as a Person who "takes things away" without also making it okay in someone's spirit. If He wanted me to do something new, He would plant a new desire in me. At least, that's the way I see it. I do not think He sets out to make us hurt ~ and that is what is happening to me. I am hurting. And I have been for a long time.

It is not that I want to sit here in this spot and stay hurt and angry. I suppose I am sitting here waiting for God to do something about it. I realize that I should be doing things, too. I should be praying. I should be searching for answers. I should be listening. At the very least, I could go to church.

I am so tired of crying over this thing. If I avoid church, I can also avoid tears. For the time being, that sounds like a good idea.

Good Music

What actually constitutes or qualifies a song to earn the distinction of being labeled as "good music"? Some people go for a certain genre. Others focus on lyrics while others zone in on instrumentation/arrangement. For me, my focus depends on the song. I tend to pick out what I think is the "best" part of the tune, whether it be lyrics or arrangement, what have you. Still, with all of the different facets of music, how can a person accurately describe a particular song as noteworthy? (fabulous pun intended!)

You know what is really cool? This is my blog! I realize I have pointed out that obvious fact before, but it bears repeating before voicing my opinion. Call it my disclaimer ~ this is just the way I do things.

If a particular song piques my interest, I tend to listen and relisten in order to pick the song apart. For example, if it is the instrumentation/arrangement that I find fascinating, I will spend hours listening to the song just to learn the bass line or the timing of the percussion, or concentrate on the guitars. When the lyrics grab my attention, I pick them apart and analyze them ~ oftentimes learning every vocal part from melody to alto to tenor..and then have fun by mixing them up and singing any part that suits my fancy at any given time - sometimes changing parts mid-verse.

There is a song I have been listening to for a week. I have known the song for at least 23 years. That's right. Not only that, but the song was actually written in the 70's! *gasp!* Contrary to popular belief, *coughmajorcough* that decade (prior to disco) produced some pretty hot music.

Curious enough to read on and discover which song I am yammering on about? First, let us look at some lyrics. They are mediocre at best. Still, there is a good verse:

I was a willow last night in my dream
I bent down over a clear running stream
Sang you the song that I heard up above
And you kept me alive with your sweet flowing love

And there are some lyrics that if you don't know what was going on in the world at that time, you wouldn't understand:

Wild man's world is cryin' in pain
What you gonna do when everybody's insane
So afraid of one who's so afraid of you
What you gonna do...

Okay, so maybe it is a good thing I'm not obsessing over the lyrics of this song. No, it is the instrumentation/arrangement. First, the song starts with a really kick ... butt ... acoustic solo. Then, a wailin electric joins in with cymbals on the drum set crashin.

The song only gets better from there. I see this particular tune as the perfect blend of all the instruments working together to form a near-faultless effort. The bass supports the electric guitar and is innovative in spots - nice in others - without being overpowering. The drum set supports the acoustic guitars the same way. The bass and electrics provide just enough gut-thumping resonance to keep the song interesting while the acoustics and cymbals provide the high ends and mid-range tones without sounding tinny.

For what more could you ask, seriously?

And while the lyrics are questionable, the vocalist rounds off the song - or is it that the instruments round off the song for the vocalist? I guess that would be for you to decide.

Should you choose to download or borrow this song from someone so you can give it a true listen, please allow me to make a suggestion or two:

1. Use headphones. Nothing brings out all of the nuances like the use of headphones. You also won't be distracted by outside noises.

2. Downloaded music needs to be done with at least 160 kbps...192 is better. Beyond that (256 or 320) is not really discernable to the human ear - with the possible exception of Matthew - but I'm not sure his ear is human! ;o)

3. Give the song a chance by listening - really listening - more than one time. If you've heard the song before, I encourage you to listen again. And remember: my motive for giving this tune "good music" status is from the instrumentation/arrangement side of things.

I hope you enjoy the song as much as I have/do. It is called "Crazy on You", written, performed and sung by Ann and Nancy Wilson, better known as the group Heart.

I have the song on cd. I woud be happy to rip it as an mp3 file and email it to you if you would like.

Addictions..you know everybody's got 'em

... from the top to the very bottom of the list ~ and don't worry, I'll spare you any more Carman lyrics....

My family (more specifically, my -side- of the family) has real potential for obsessive/compulsive behaviors. I won't go into my son's deal ~ that is for him to do, which he won't.

I have to be careful, though. With just about everything. Why is it that when I hear a song or two I like that is done by a particular artist, I have to go out and get just about every cd they ever recorded? (Ask me anything about Craig Chaquico. Go ahead. Oh. You've never heard of him?...gee...) Well, I know the answer to my question and you probably do, too. I obsess over things. Obsession causes me to be compulsive.

And how many of us wonder what we would do without the internet? Heh. You are reading my blog right now. Chances are you have one of your own. So I ask you: How many hours a day do we spend online? For me, the answer is too many!! (But I like it! I like it!)

We can be thankful that I am not going to write about the internet and spending time online, blah blah blah.

So what exactly am I writing about?

Well, for the past few years one of my biggest obessions has been eBay. *cue cheesy commercial jingles* I have whiled away many an hour browsing, watching, and best of all, sniping. I have discovered vintage designer skirts, sterling silver and celtic jewelry, and Ty beanies from all over the place. How many of you actually have a Kanata (Nova Scotia) Beanie Baby bear that was actually shipped from Nova Scotia?? (Do you even know that there is a Kanata Canadian bear for every province in Canada? The things I've learned while bidding!!) I even redecorated Pat's room this Christmas almost exclusively with items purchased from that "worldwide garage sale." (And it looks good!)

I'm here to make it public that my obession has changed. I am no longer purchasing items off of eBay. That's right. I've stopped buying! Now, I'm selling! I looked around my house recently and discovered clutter. It didn't used to bother me, but now it does. I've started going through my music, books, closets, and attic and am weeding out "the kind of stuff I'd throw away"...but other people would buy on eBay.

I spend hours a day analyzing how many hits my listed items receive in a 24 hour period. I think up ways to revise my descriptions in order to make my things appear more desireable. And I've sold over $100. worth of stuff in a week. Not too shabby for a newbie, huh?

And guess what? I am having more fun selling on eBay than I did buying! Yep, right now my house isn't as clean and neat as it usually is. The 50 bunnies that were safely wrapped up and placed into a box in the attic are now behind the door to my bedroom. The vintage skirts that were sealed in bags beneath my bed are now in a box on the floor of my closet. Weeded-out music is on my dresser, and I'm going to be pulling out more stuff to list in the next week or so. Ain't it great???

And the fun has just begun........