Just for Fun..

Certainly you know it is no fun to be at home sick. Just in case someone else is suffering as I am, I will post this entry in the interest of entertainment purposes, only.

Maxine for President!

It makes perfect sense to me. Maxine is obviously a patriot:

Plus, her age gives her insight & wisdom that I for one believe is seriously lacking in the White House. Here are a few of Maxine's thoughts on various subjects:

Driver Safety: I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.

Lawn Care: The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.

Technology Revolution: My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.

Aging: Take birthdays with a grain of salt. It works better if that salt rims the glass of a margarita.

But wait! There's more!

1.Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
2.If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.
3.Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia.

So everyone - join the fastest growing movement in America! Maxine for President!

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And while we're at it, here are a few new rules for living:

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the jerk. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge jerk.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic?! I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your butt. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual.

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.