Progressing
So I've moved from hurt to angry. Anger is slowly giving way to resignation. This is progress, right? The more time goes by, the more I realize the right decisions have been made. They're just so tough - impossible in my own strength. *sigh* Out of all of this I have determined two things.
- I will no longer allow my compassion and generosity to be used by someone close to me when history has constantly shown that later it will tossed carelessly to the side like a broken and discarded toy.
- I will no longer be played a fool by the same.
posted by Lady Constance at 4:20:00 PM
3 Comments:
A prophet is without honor is his (her) own hometown....
This is true. But it hurts the "prophet" because of the love she has.
I have to wonder if our families do not acknowledge things in us that strangers see because they do not see it in themselves and being kinfolk they why should you have it? The connection is TOO close sometimes and that lets us open to hurt and disappointment in ourselves and who wants that? We both experience family memebers who do not want to take responsibility, look the other way to dull the guilt they already feel. And with that guilt they are angry at us for making them feel guilty as if we can make anyone really feel anything. When does anyone ever treat anything that will ALWAYS be there with any respect or consideration? People do not respect the gift of and education in the public schools because it is free and owed to them. Families do not respect each other because you are always going to be the mother, sister, family member no matter what so there is no REAL fear in losing you. BUT... and yes there always seems to be a but ... People are not inanimate objects that do not feel, and feeling get hurt and naturally we recoil away when we are hurt, then those family members can feel justified because you were the meany and pulled away (not reality), they have widened the gap so that maybe YOU will not see their guilt there for they do not have to look at it and eventually do something about it (again not reality), and they can continue to wear the blinders, not take responsibilty and do the hard work at changing. Isn't it easier to throw the pain away onto someone else than to accept it in ourselves and do something about it? Man that is a lot of work! I know, you and I would say NO! But our family members are not you and I. Strangers can see it and acknowledge it because it does not require anything of them. Family or people really close in pain and making bad choices for themselves, it would require too much from them to ackowledge it because it just might make them take too close a look at themselves in one of thos magnifying mirrors. Why would anyone look at one of those anyway? The pores and blemishes look HUGE and that is so ugly! (Smile, laugh and know what I mean) I love you!
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