Saturday

Today dawned early for me. I was awake before 5am and out of bed shortly thereafter. I don't know if I had a full night's sleep or not. I just couldn't sleep anymore. So, I ended up on the couch curled in a blanket and reading my book.

Aslan and Luke have formed an uneasy alliance. At least, sometimes they have. At other times they chase each other around and judging from their postures, I would venture a guess that they are not playing.

Speaking of uneasiness, I have started feeling that way myself. I've had brief moments of it over the past several days but nothing uncontrollable. I've been out and about enough to keep the feelings at bay. Wednesday, Shannon & I went to the movies. Thursday was spent in the kitchen, but Andy and I also took two strolls which I have learned are just as good for me emotionally/psychologically as they are physically. Friday, we spent most of the day with my parents and then I met Ben at BearRock for dinner. We had a very nice time.

Today Andy and I are going grocery shopping and I really need to clean the oven. I'm such a mess in the kitchen! The oven took a major hit this week and is smoking whenever we heat it beyond 325*. I'm going to have to stop by my apartment to pick up my laundry and something clean to wear today.

Thursday I had to make a quick trip to my place for some brown sugar & a particular dvd we watch every Thanksgiving. As I was pulling my key out of the deadbolt I thought, "I'd really like to keep this place." The idea surprised me. I thought I was about ready to move back home but every now and then these little thoughts crop up. The difference is this: When Andy and I were on one of our strolls I told him about it. I would never have done that before our separation and ensuing therapy. Andy's reaction surprised me. He told me if we had the financial means, he would have no problem letting me keep the apartment and sleep there from time to time. Of course, we don't really have the money but it's really okay. His response to my "I wish" was enough in this case.

I'm convinced my uneasiness stems from having mixed feelings about heading back to my apartment. I'm starting to feel the need for some solitude, but I've also thoroughly enjoyed being here. I cannot seem to get over my aversion to utilizing the space in our bedroom when I feel the need to be alone. Everytime I go there in search of seclusion, I feel like a naughty little girl who has been banished to her room. Those feelings have been with me for years, but I haven't been able to put words to them until recently. I'm so thankful Andy is willing to let me change the now-empty bedroom into a den of my design. I believe a lot of the solitude problems will be solved when the room takes shape.

I'm thinking I'll head back to my cave sometime tomorrow. Until then, I will take the day as it comes and do my best to enjoy it. Right now, I'm going to make some pancakes.