Perfect Timing

I cannot turn back time. Getting the past 4 months "back" is not possible. And who knows how much more time I will lose before I take myself and Andy out of this holding pattern?

My most fervent prayer right now is that I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt when it is time for me to move back home and that it will not be much longer before I do.

It was particularly difficult to leave Andy tonight. He took it hard too, which makes me feel twice as guilty. Tonight went well. We fixed dinner. Watched a movie. Sat on the deck and talked. Normal stuff. And it felt good. Right. Natural. The problem is it doesn't always go that way. There are times when I feel restless and/or uncomfortable. Times when I need pure, uncompromised, unadulterated solitude.

My therapist keeps telling me that time is on my side. There is no rush. Time is my friend. I am starting to feel as though time is my enemy. I'm wasting it! It is slipping away! Will I know when it is time? Will I ever be ready? When do I need to just shut my eyes, hold my nose, and jump?