When Love Isn't Enough...

Quite awhile ago I posted the thought that sometimes love isn't enough to happily maintain a long-lasting relationship. It goes without saying (but I am going to say it anyway) that I am not referring to the love of God, which is perfect. I may question the way He shows His love, but I know His love for us is the best thing going.

If humans could be perfect, then love would be perfectly acted upon. I know a lot of people who desperately love their significants, but unhappiness in relationships abounds.

If a person does not possess the skills to listen in the manner that best suits the "other" - or if one cannot verbally communicate in a way that the other can comprehend/accept, then loving the person won't be enough to maintain a happy relationship. There are other factors as well, but communications skills seems to be one of the biggest sticking points in relationships. Granted, true love would mean the poor listener would seek out how to do it better, as would the poor verbalizer.

This is why I say "just" loving someone isn't enough. Relationships take constant work and awareness on the parts of both individuals. Would you be happy if there were something going on in your relationship that bothered you, and after speaking to your significant they just said, "Oh well, I can't really do anything about that but I love you!" Can you honestly say you would be happy? I do not think so. Especially if your significant could indeed alter the behavior in order to make things run more smoothly. A couple who will not give, take, and bend with each other is not going to succeed. They may stay together for the sake of the children, religious beliefs, convenience, or whatever, but staying together is not synonymous with success.

There are some red flags to watch out for when it comes to choosing a partner. Take for example the person who has experienced a failed relationship and staunchly maintains it was all the other person's doing; that they themselves had nothing to do with the failure. I have a very difficult time wrapping my mind around that one. It takes two to make or break a relationship. It may be that the person was left with no options at the time of the break up, but what happened prior that made the other want to leave? Rarely are the reasons superficial.

That being said, I must also state that it is unfair (and yes, wrong) to end a relationship without talking about the reasons behind the break up. How can people progress in the art of being a couple if they have nothing from which to learn? I will even go so far as to say that once the reasons are stated, it is only fair to give the person a chance to "right" whatever "wrong" has been committed. By the same token, it is only fair that while one is working on their shortcomings the other should work on their own. Human love is not perfect, and people are even less so. Everyone has something on which they can improve when it comes to relationships.

Some people do not believe that life is fair. That belief is true in certain cases. However, for the most part life can be as fair as we make it; for ourselves and others. I fervently wish love could be enough in any situation. It just isn't. Does God say, "I love my children," and then leave us to our own devices or does He actively work in our lives?

Why then should our love for the ones we have relationships with be inactive and passive?