The Rest of the Story
The comments from my previous post actually hit on more of my thoughts regarding our generations. I did not want to post them immediately because it would have made the entry too long. Additionally, my thoughts tend to run along lengthy threads - one thought leading to others. Putting my musings down in writing helps me to find the end of the thread.
Working in the school system has made me acutely aware of some things. We often use the words "product of their environment." In some cases, this is true. A child can only go as far as the parent is willing to take them. There are a few cases where a child rises above their 'environment' and excels both academically & personally. However, this is a rare occurrence. And what about when that child becomes an adult?
Looking at the generation before mine, I see 'both' kinds of people. Those who made decisions & took responsibility for the consequences and who were subject to things over which they had no control, and those who were subject to things that were beyond their control and have gone through their adult lives using it as an excuse to get away with things that really shouldn't be swept under the rug.
I really like what Chet said. As people we are enablers. We make it easy for people (including ourselves) to shift blame or hide from our responsibilities. It really doesn't help anything. In fact, being an enabler of this sort is merely perpetuating the problem.
As a parent I know I've done that. I've spent many hours smoothing things over and trying to make things easier/better for my children. It is like running around behind them with a pillow so that when they fall, they have a soft landing. I have gone to teachers, bosses, individuals, and even whole groups in an attempt to make life easier or to 'help' people 'understand' my children. Andy has admitted to doing the same thing. That is our mistake. We did not allow our children to take full responsibility for their actions. Instead, we softened the blows. Perhaps we were more concernd with their self-esteem than we should have been. At any rate, our well-meaning intentions appear to have accomplished what other people's intentions have: We, to include our generation, are now dealing with young adults who spit in the face of authority - any authority - and who constantly live in an uproar of their own making while refusing to accept responsibility for their actions; the same as generations before, but I think to a larger degree. At what age do we stop making excuses for them? When is enough enough?
I said all that to say this: When I said it is time to wake up, I was talking to all of us.
posted by Lady Constance at 8:13:00 AM
1 Comments:
You know, a lot of people look at my children and say we are too hard on them, especially my oldest. We didn't buy her a car or pay for her car insurance although we certainly could have afforded it. When she left school and moved out on her own, we told her welcome to the real world and have made her work for her money. We never gave our kids an allowance but made them work for their spending money (beyond expected chores). I know there were times of resentment when my kids compared notes with their friends who were often showered with money and cars and things, but we started out humbly and expected our kids to understand things do not come free but require work and sacrifice. I was worried our lessons might have fallen on deaf ears but we are starting to see the fruits of our labors as our eldest daughter becomes an adult. Of course it will be interesting to see how our youngest turns out. It was easier to give only time (to the oldest) when that was all we had to give. Ah, parenting. My mother's curse used to be that we would have children just like we were. Didn't exactly turn out that way as I was one of three sons and I have two daughters.
-Chet
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